Big Guy Goes for Broke
It was good to see the Big Guy back in his office, after he had taken his first relaxing vacation. I had hoped to be invited to his usual post-vacation dinner (which takes place every other decade whether the big guy goes on vacation or not). I was looking forward to seeing the interesting photographs the Big Guy always took. You just haven’t lived until you’ve seen concrete sidewalks and pavements all over the world given the Big Guy treatment.
Of course the Big Guy would always say that he had fascination with sidewalks and pavement, but we all knew that he had trouble focusing his camera on real objects. Still, we played along.
Today, however, the Big Guy seemed alarmed, as he removed all of the sofa cushions and chair cushions all over the office. He would stick his hands into the edges, feeling everywhere for whatever he could find. So far he had accumulated about 15 cents, a ball of string and a pair of women’s underwear. “Darn!” he said. “I’ve got to find a $1.25…. I need a soda from the vending machine!”
Just then, the Big Guy fainted, directly on the carpet…
“Don’t worry about me,” he said, as he came to. “It’s really nothing, just lost a lot of blood this afternoon….”
“Blood?” I gasped.
“Yeah,” I had to stop at a blood bank on the way to work. I needed $30 bucks for UPS,” the Big Guy said. “You know, we really need to stop offering free shipping for anything.”
“Can’t the guys in shipping take care of that?” I said.
“Uhm, no, there are no more guys in shipping… “the Big Guy answered. “Had to let them go… Is it 4:30 yet?”
“No, it’s only 2 pm,” I said.
“I’ve got to get down to the freeway entrance by 4:30, when the traffic starts getting heavy,” Big Guy said. “If I stay out there every day for the next month, we might be able to pay the electric bill!”
“What’s going on here, Big Guy?” I asked, beginning to worry about the future.
First, the bandit came in here and started giving away stuff like mad…” the Big Guy said. “Then Buzz Bisbee starts getting ideas like this is a non-profit!”
The Big Guy had big tears falling down his cheeks. “Now, we’re not only a non-profit, we’re a cashless society!”
“Gee,” I said. “I didn’t think it was all THAT bad!
“Well, after I went on vacation, our people were giving away stuff. Imagine a black and white spy cam for $29.99! Imagine a 17-piece surveillance kit that includes four cameras for just $299! His eyes were tearing up. “How long do you think we can stay in business this way?”
I guess it doesn’t help that the guys held all those parties while you were on vacation,” I said. “Hope the liquor bill wasn’t too high….”
“THERE’s a LIQUOR bill coming too?” the Big Guy yelled out, as he started beating his head against the wall.
“Don’t worry, Big Guy, we can make it through this,” I said. “There’s thousands of people who want to buy our Showtime unit, it gives folks an entertainment experience like no other.”
“What do you mean, Showtime?” The Big Guy said. “We can’t afford cable anymore!”
“You don’t need cable, our Showtime product lets you view all your digital pictures and movies on a big screen TV… that way you don’t have to be limited to showing them just on your laptop.”
“Hey, that sounds like an interesting product,” the Big Guy said. “Think the bandit can get me a discount?”